Stop asking women when they’re going to start a family!!

We need to stop forcing women to start a family.

I purposely stop myself from asking women when they’re going to start a family.

Firstly, it’s none of my business. Secondly, there may be reasons why they’ve not had children.

All in all, it’s no business of mine or any other person to know why a said woman has no children. There’s no need for them to share this information with me, you or with the world.

So can we all stop asking women (and men), these questions? It’s none of your business!!!.

Stop asking women when they're going to start a family

The happy ever after

I’ve been with my partner (husband without a paper) for 22 years. We have three children, the first after eight years, the second after nine years and our third after twenty years of being together.

Yes, this is not the norm!

I suppose the “norm” is people meet, get married after a year of ‘courting’ (old school dating). Six months later the woman is pregnant. Then over the next few years, the woman has one or two more children. And they live happily ever after. Well. Until they get divorced!!!

Or for many, like myself, they’re not married and they start a family a year or two after they meet.

Another scenario, people meet and they either want to enjoy their time together without having children.

Or they may be trying to start a family with no success.

Usually with the last few options, after, four, five years, people start to notice that said couple have no children. And that’s when the questions start flowing.

Some women do not want to have children

I’ve met lots of women, who purely don’t want children. I think it’s great they admit it. Some women have expressed this to me, and have seemed shocked when I’ve reacted calmly to their statement.

Usually when women say they don’t want children. The next question is, why. And then the poor woman feels pressured to answer why they’ve made this decision.

No, women, please stop doing this!!

Don’t feel guilty if you haven’t got a maternal bone in your body. Being a woman doesn’t make you an automatic baby-making being.

I love that women can be empowered enough to say that children are not for them.

After all, life does change when you have children and its OK to want to have a life where the decisions you make are for you alone and not for you and 2 or 3 other people. Having children is a huge responsibility.

Some women have fertility problems

Right, I was part of this camp for eight years.

I was diagnosed with PCOS, when I was 20 and told my only hope to have children was to have fertility treatment.

And like I said earlier, for me, after approximately four years of being in my relationship the questions started.

And the questions were mainly from women. They were usually:

•When are you going to have children?

•You’ve been together for a long time, what are you waiting for?

•Don’t you think it’s about time you and [partner] had some children now?

After I was 25:

•You’re getting older now, you don’t want to leave it too long?

When I’d say I wasn’t ready to have children:

•That’s selfish, you need to give [partner] some children, he deserves it.

Can you believe that??!!

These questions are so hurtful, especially for a woman with fertility issues.

For me, I was desperate to start a family. But, I chose to not share my issues with people. I didn’t want to tell people that I have problems with my hormones. It was no one’s business but mine. And to be honest I was embarrassed. PCOS had stripped me of being a woman and I didn’t want to share this with people. And I don’t regret this.

Why should I have to explain myself?!

I only felt comfortable talking about my fertility issues after having my children. And this I’m sure is the case for many women.

Conclusion.

So to finish if you’re a woman who chooses to not have children. Good for you, don’t feel the need to explain yourself.

If like me, you have issues with fertility. And you feel uncomfortable talking about your fertility struggles. Then again, don’t explain yourself it’s nobody’s business but yours and your partner (husband).

And if you’re the person who constantly asks people when they’re going to have children. Please, think twice.

You don’t know what this couple is going through. Your questions can spark an emotional roller coaster for this couple. Just wait for them to tell you first, instead of constantly bombarding them with questions.

You really cannot understand how long that one question lingers in the mind. And if a woman is suffering from a health condition, that one question not only affects them emotionally but can be accompanied with numerous amounts of physical symptoms too.

So please, stop prying into people’s lives. And stop asking women when they’re going to start a family.

Stop asking women when they're going to start a family

Image: Unsplash

An article on this website also expresses how they feel about people asking women when they’re going to start a family